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| I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you!" |    |
Joke by Wadey, in Jokes with no home > Medical - Tagged wanking , nurse , medical - Current Score: 1014 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into an adjacent room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the babe wrapped up in a towel in her arms. "Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which promptly lands right on its squishy noggin. "My baby!" screams the mother. "Don't worry, I'll get it!" smiles the nurse. However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a sickening crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window. "What are you doing?!" yells the mother. "April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!" | |
Joke by We Are The Lemon, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged baby , dead , dead baby , april fools , pregnant , nurse , birth - Current Score: 1002 - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago
| A woman has been in a coma for 3 months, showing no signs of recovery. One day, whilst giving her a bed bath, the nurse notices that there is a flicker on the monitor when they are cleaning her cunt. The doctors send for her husband and tactfully explain the situation suggesting that he tries oral sex to see if it gets a bigger response. So the medical staff draw the curtains to give him some privacy and await developments. After about five minutes all the monitors suddenly go berserk and they rush in to find the woman stone dead. "What happened?" demands a doctor... "Dunno, reckon she mighta choked," comes the reply. | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Coma - Tagged sex , coma , oral , doctor , nurse - Current Score: 466 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| A 75-year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day, the 75-year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asks what happened, and the man explains, "Well, first I tried with my right hand, but nothing happened. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing. Then with her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door, and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked. "You asked your NEIGHBOUR?" The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we couldn't get the fucking jar open!" | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Illness and mortality > Old People - Tagged sperm , nurse , old people - Current Score: 335 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| So we have had an Austrian in the cellar, Shannon Matthews under the bed and now a nurse in the boot. If we find Maddie in the attic, I'm going to patent the board game. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Celebrity and news events > Nurse In The Boot - Tagged car boot , shannon matthews , madeleine mccann , nurse , maddie , josef fritzl - Current Score: 160 - Added: 1 week ago
| In the news : A 35 year old man has been arrested in Scotland for the abduction of a black nurse who he locked in the boot of her car for 11 days. In his defence the man said that weather reports indicated snow, and he was just being cautious by keeping a spade in the car. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Celebrity and news events > News Reports - Tagged black , spade , nurse - Current Score: 146 - Added: 1 week ago
| I went to casualty yesterday and said to the nurse, "I've been stung by a wasp, have you got anything for it?" The nurse replied, "whereabout's is it?" I said, "I don't know, it'll be fucking miles away by now." | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged wasp , bee , stung , miles away , nurse - Current Score: 135 - Added: 7 months ago
| A guy who is suffering from permanent erection enters the emergency room at the local hospital. "I've got a hard-on that just won't go away." "Well, sir, would you like to see a doctor?" "No, maybe a nurse or two." | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Sex and shit > Penis - Tagged erection , dick , nurse , doctor - Current Score: 76 - Added: 2 months ago
| A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She was talking to the doctor!" | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , wheelchair , nurse - Current Score: 74 - Added: 10 months ago
| A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to 'write' with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Fuckin' helll... some asshole's got my pen." | |
Joke by tommo, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged nurse , bank , arsehole - Current Score: 62 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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