A 14 year old boy comes home from primary school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "You look happy, did anything special happen at school today?" "Yes mum - I had sex with my English teacher!" he replied. The mother is stunned. "Get up them stairs now and wait until your father gets home!" The dad comes home and hears the news; he's as pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "I hear you had sex with your English teacher." "That's right, Dad." "Well, you became a man today - this is a cause for celebration. Let's get fish and chips, then I'll buy you that bike you've been asking for." "Mint! - but can I have a football instead? My arse is killing me."

A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, "Mother, where do babies come from? " "Well dear...a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room...they kiss and hug and have sex." The daughter looks puzzled. "That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy's vagina. That's how you get a baby, honey." The daughter replies, "Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?" "Jewellery, dear."

My son was watching me have breakfast and smiled and said, "Dad, one day I want to be just like you." "What a Fireman?" I replied. "No," he answered. "I just want to fuck mum."

In a second grade class, a little girl asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?" "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

I heard some of my son's friends call my wife a MILF I found out this means mothers I'd like to fuck. So when I heard my teenage daughter's friends say your dad's FILF, I got a right stiffy. Turns out they found my porn collection.

I can't wait to see my mum's face on Christmas morning when she finds out I've got her a Woolworths gift voucher!

Next time you're having an argument with your dad and you're losing, tell him that you've been further inside your mother and made her scream louder than he ever has.

What did the German kid say when he pushed his brother off a cliff? "Look, mother, no Hans!"

Madeleine McCann's mother admitted on the Oprah Winfrey show that at times, she allowed herself "to fear the worst"... ...but the Portugese police still haven't got enough evidence to convict her.

Finding her young son scooping ice cream in the kitchen, a mother raged, "Dinner is going to be ready soon. Put that ice cream away and go and play." "But mum" wailed the child, "There's no one to play with." "OK," said the mother wearily, "I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" "Lets play mummy and daddy. You go upstairs and lie on the bed." So the mother went upstairs and lay on the bed. The boy put on his father's fishing hat, lit up one of his cigars, went upstairs and opened the bedroom door. Seeing him standing there, the mother asked,"Now what do I do?" The boy answered, "Get your ass out of bed you whore and fix that kid some fucking ice cream!"

Rhubarb spent 0.07ms doing 15 queries and 0.09s processing.


Sickipedia v2.75 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel