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| When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that The Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. |    |
Joke by issachunt, in Religion and racism > Chavs - Tagged bike , god , lord , pray , emo philips - Current Score: 1944 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of meat. | |
Joke by tgs, in Religion and racism > Vegetarian - Tagged god , food , animals , made , fuck you veggies , make your own dinner - Current Score: 1462 - Added: 1 year ago
| On the American dollar it says "In God We Trust". On British notes there's a picture of Charles Darwin; that says a lot. | |
Joke by chesky101, in Jokes with no home > Money - Tagged god , monkeys , darwin , america suck - Current Score: 570 - Added: 2 months, 16 days ago
| A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven. "Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter. "Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies. "No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away." "Would you like a capuccino?" asks St Peter. "No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim. "Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him. "Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Would you like a capuccino?" "No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now." "Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus. This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears. "Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God. The muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!" "Would you like a capuccino?" "Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking capuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed." "Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God. | |
Joke by theblueoysterbar, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged suicide , muslim , god , heaven , cunt , dead - Current Score: 563 - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago
| According to the bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10. Anyone think that we could be following the wrong guy? | |
Joke by Damien Austin, in Religion and racism > God - Tagged god , satan , what a pussy , not even including flood and plagues - Current Score: 513 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| I heard an Italian woman covered in dust saying to the reporter "I just thank God I'm alive." I hope she remembered to thank her kind hearted imaginary friend for sending the earthquake in the first place. | |
Joke by marley, in Celebrity and news events > Italian Earthquake - Tagged god , earthquake - Current Score: 461 - Added: 2 months, 28 days ago
| What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why. | |
Joke by S011, in Sex and shit > Young Girls - Tagged god , woman , hell - Current Score: 415 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What's the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander around Dublin thinking he's Bono. | |
Joke by iKarp, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , god , bono - Current Score: 395 - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago
| Which is the odd one out - a black Pope, a brave Frenchman or God? God - you'll definitely see him one day. | |
Joke by mamma mia, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged french , pope , black , god - Current Score: 376 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| I was at church the other day and when the collection came around I put some Monopoly money in the basket. The priest said to me, "What are you doing? That's not real money!" I replied, "Well, let's talk about this god of yours..." | |
Joke by ferret, in Religion and racism > Athiest - Tagged god , fake , monopoly money - Current Score: 352 - Added: 8 months ago
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