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| I was swapping confessions with my girlfriend. I told her about how I used to wear my mum's wedding dress and lingerie and fuck myself with a shampoo bottle. She told me she steals pens from her office. I dumped the bitch. You can't trust someone like that. |    |
Joke by storyteller, in Sex and shit > Pervert - Tagged confession , faithfulness , stealing , theft , pervert , trust , girlfriend - Current Score: 265 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad, passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven Lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your Face | |
Joke by templett, in Celebrity and news events > Barack Obama - Tagged confession , sex , religion - Current Score: 154 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A newly ordained priest is nervous about hearing confessions and asks an older priest to observe one of his sessions to give him some tips. After a few minutes of listening, the old priest suggests that they have a word. "I’ve got a few suggestions," he says. "Try folding your arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. "Very good," says his senior. "Now try saying things like 'I see', 'I understand' and 'Yes, go on.'" The younger priest practices these sayings, too. "Well done," says the older priest. "Don't you think that's better than slapping your knee and saying: 'No way! What happened next?'" | |
Joke by adaytoremember, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged priest , confession , church , practice - Current Score: 142 - Added: 1 month ago
| Dear Susan, I am writing to tell you that our relationship must end, I am not the man you think I am. For a long time I have been sexually attracted to your sister.On several occasions I have had sex with her and I know you will find this unbearable. What is probably worse than sleeping with your sister is the fact that I have also been having a sexual relationship with your mother. Add this to the fact that, after a drunken night out, I had anal sex with your brother, you will now see what a terrible person I am. One final confession susan. Shortly after I started a sexual relationship with you, your father started pestering me for sex and yes I gave in to him. And so Susan you must now see why I must end our relationship. I know this is all a shock but it is better out in the open. I am so very sorry if I've hurt you,I never meant to. Your loving brother, David xxx | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Incest - Tagged letter , relationship , man , sister , sex , mother , confession , drunk , father , brother , family - Current Score: 141 - Added: 3 months ago
| Johnny goes to confession and says, "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman." The priest ask, "Is that you, little Johnny Babineaux? "Yes, Father it is." "And who was the woman you were with?" Johnny says, "I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Comeaux?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Thibodeaux?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Olivier?" "I'm sorry but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Prejean?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Prudhomme, then?" "Please, Father," Johnny pleaded, "I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Babineaux and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Jack slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" Johnny replies, "Four months vacation and five good leads..." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged nun , sex , priest , woman , father , johnny , confession , vacation , months - Current Score: 120 - Added: 10 months ago
| Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged confession , gay , priest , little johnny , inbred - Current Score: 60 - Added: 10 months ago
| The new nun goes to her first confession and tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. She says, "Father, I forgot to put any knickers on today and am naked under my robe." The priest says, "Bless you, my child. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar." | |
Joke by fatuous_sunbeam, in Religion and racism > Nuns - Tagged knickers , panties , secret , confession , altar - Current Score: 24 - Added: 7 months ago
| A man goes to confession. Once in the box, he admits, "Father - I've impregnated another man's wife." The horrified priest replies, "That's a double sin! God will judge you harshly for this!" The man says, "Fucking hypocrite." | |
Joke by storyteller, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged man , priest , catholic , christianity , pregnancy , virgin mary , god , hypocrite , sin , wife , confession - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| It's been a big year for my six year old son, two months ago he made his first confession. Took the police four hours to break him. He's got some fucking willpower. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Son - Tagged confession , police , questioned - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 day ago
| How many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? Two - one to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession. | |
Joke by gartnavel, in Religion and racism > Catholicism - Tagged catholic , light bulb , confession , screwing - Current Score: 9 - Added: 4 months ago
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