Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box. Such a pity it was a puppy.

A woman goes into her local music store looking for an old record; behind the counter is small young boy. She says: "Excuse me sonny, but do you have Jingle Bells on a 7 inch?" He says: "No, but I've got dangling balls on a 9 inch." "That's not a record is it?" "It is for a 10 year old."

Christmas is shit. Whoever invented it should be nailed to a cross.

Last christmas I got some toy soldiers, To play with when I'm in bed, But I got bored with my seargents and majors, So I played with my privates instead.

I think our Christmas tree lights are niggers. They never work, they're all chained together, and we hang them from trees.

This eight-year-old girl goes into Santa's grotto. She sits on his lap and Father Christmas says, "Hello little girl, what do you want for Christmas, my dear?" The little girl says, "Some of my older friends at school have got some hair between their legs, and I would like some there too!" Santa says, "Will a little white beard be okay?"

Have you heard about Bob the brown nosed reindeer? He's right behind Rudolph the red nosed reindeer. He can run as fast, but can't stop as fast.

Police are warning people to be on the lookout for Muslim suicide bombers over Christmas who are set to launch a wave of terror with a new 'Alphabet Bomb'. If one of them fuckers goes off, it could spell disaster.

"Dreaming of a White Christmas" BNP 2008

Christmas time. Valium and wine. Children indulging in serious crime. With dad on the weed and mum high on crack. Christmas is magic when your family is black!

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